All Your Second Favorite Fast Food Chains Are Giving Away Free Food This Week: A GuideS

Because we can't all afford to eat off NY Mag's Cheap Eats list, this week several popular fast food chains are giving away [vaguely] food[ish things] for free. Here's a guide to who's giving away what and how far you'll have to debase yourself to get it:

Who's putting out: 7-11
When should you hit it: Wednesday 7/11 from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.
What are they offering: A 7.11oz Slurpee
How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Not too far. You do have to go inside a 7/11, but if anyone sees you, you can pretend you're buying cigarettes or a magazine about motorcycles or something else cool.
Why are they doing this: July 11th mark's the chain's 85th "birthday" (though the name actually refers to the fact the original convenience store was open from 7a.m. to 11p.m.).
Why are you doing this: Free things.
Pro-Tip: Coke Slurpees are the best.

Who's putting out: Chick-fil-A
When should you hit it: Friday, 7/13
What are they offering: A free meal, including an entrée, side, and beverage (for example: Chick-n-Strips™, medium Waffle Potato Fries™ and a medium beverage).
How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Extremely far, Anastasia. According to the Chick-fil-A website, meals will only be awarded to those who come "fully dressed as a cow," meaning they have exhibited "effort to be dressed like a cow from head to toe." The website recommends decorating white painter's overalls with black cow splotches or buying a complete cow costume online. (They also provide a costume "starter kit" if you have lots of printer ink to spare.) "Partial cow attire" is a sign of weakness and earns you only an entrée. Perceived level of commitment to an alternative cow lifestyle is at the discretion of the restaurant manager.
Why are they doing this: Sadism.
Why are you doing this: Free things.
Pro-Tip: Breakfast combos only come with a small beverage, which is wack because the morning is one of the thirstiest times of the day.

Who's putting out: Starbucks
When should you hit it: Friday, 7/13 from 12p.m. to 3p.m.
What are they offering: A 12-oz Starbucks Refreshers™ beverage, which is basically a fruit drink that includes coffee extract.
How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: Not far. You just have to go up and order it, though you'll probably succumb to silent pressure to pick up a couple cake pops too.
Why are they doing this: Starbucks Refreshers™ beverages are an exciting new product that combine the refreshing flavors of fruit with the bitter taste of disappointment.
Why are you doing this: Free things.
Pro-Tip: To avoid the long lines at Starbucks, make your own version of this drink at home by dumping some coffee grounds into a glass of orange juice.

Who's putting out: Dippin' Dots
When should you hit it: Saturday 7/14 from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.
What are they offering: A small cup of Dippin' Dots Clusterz (Dippin' Dots ice cream bitz combined with xhocolate morselz).
How far do you have to debase yourself to get it: A tiny bit far. You have to print out a coupon and present it to the Keeper of the Dots before you are grudgingly awarded your clusterz.
Why are they doing this: The first hit of Dots is always free, baby.
Why are you doing this: Free things.
Pro-Tip: Unlike regular ice cream eaten by non-astronauts, Dippin' Dots must be stored at -40 degrees, so bring a backpack full of dry ice if you plan on taking some home with you.

[USA Today // Image via AP]