The inspiration for Walt Disney World's Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith, Steven Tyler, announced Thursday he's leaving his post as a judge on American Idol.
Yes, he did.
In a statement that…included…lots…of…ellipses, Tyler compared American Idol to a psychotic mistress and shilled aggressively for Aerosmith's upcoming album, which will be bought by many moms in denim jackets. Full text below, ERMAHGERD:
"After some long...hard...thoughts…I've decided it's time for me to let go of my mistress ‘American Idol' before she boils my rabbit," said Tyler. "I strayed from my first love, AEROSMITH, and I'm back – but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I've got two fists in the air and I'm kicking the door open with my band. The next few years are going to be dedicated to kicking some serious ass – the ultimate in auditory takeover…On Nov. 6, we are unleashing our new album, Music from Another Dimension on the Earth, Moon, Mars, and way beyond the stars…IDOL was over-the-top fun, and I loved every minute of it…Now it's time to bring Rock Back. ERMAHGERD."
American Idol and Fox executives released more normal statements, calling Tyler "a terrific judge" and "a real ‘Idol,'" and inviting him to back to the show any time.
"I am thinking it's time for me to go and do other things I love to do."
...before backtracking and stating that she hasn't officially made up her mind either way.
Rumors have recently begun circulating about the most likely candidates to step in for any departing judges, with frontrunners including Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, former contestant Adam Lambert, and a small bowl of vanilla pudding set on a Lazy Susan.