A British man was arrested last month for assault after he sprayed his girlfriend with an "unidentified" brown sauce when she refused to stop reading Fifty Shades of Grey. He later plead guilty and was sentenced earlier this week.
The argument started on June 25th, when Raymond Hodson confronted his girlfriend, Emma McCormick, about the book, which he considered pornographic. McCormick disagreed. The two argued throughout the night and into the next day, exchanging text messages that included "some discussion of private family issues," which left Hodson furious.
So he did what any reasonable boyfriend would do: he stormed over to her her house carrying a bottle of the unidentified brown sauce, forced his foot in the door, slapped her (according to her; his attorney denies the slap) and then sprayed the sauce all over her and her hallway.
He admitted the crime soon after his arrest. As the prosecutor put it:
"He said he had every intention of squirting sauce over Miss McCormick, but he now regrets having done this, realising how stupid it sounds.
"He didn't realise that the sauce incident would be classed as an assault. He is sorry for his actions."
I'm sure he is. Hodson's attorney added, "He lost his temper – and went round to her home armed with a bottle of brown sauce, which he should never have done."
Yes, yes. We've all learned a lesson here, which is never date someone reading Fifty Shades of Grey or else you'll end up paying a fine and dealing with a six-week curfew. Unless, of course, you're not insane, in which case kindly disregard the lesson and keep on doing what you've been doing.