But the Daily Mail has slow news days, too. And that's how we get this gem of a story, "One-eyed raccoon with possible rabies found roaming streets of Brooklyn."
Finger was at Brooklyn Bridge Park when he spotted the ghastly abomination, and — well, I'll let the Daily Mail tell it.
The man took to Twitter to express his sudden fear when he first caught a glimpse of the impaired animal.
He tweeted: 'OH MY GOD A BABY RABID ONE-EYED RACCOON.'
He went on to tweet: 'GOOD LORD OH NO.'
There will never be a way to seriously report caps lock tweets that doesn't sound ridiculous, but for added effect, read this in a clipped British accent.
According to what Finger told Gothamist, the injured raccoon had one eye and one "horrifying bloody facial cavity." As for the claims of rabies, those are purely speculative, although rabies expert Lindsay Robertson knows what she saw.
Brooklyn Bridge Park officials did confirm that there was a raccoon in the park — without mentioning that it was a nightmare-inducing cyclops-beast — and said it had been captured. Safe to assume this little monster has been destroyed? I'd rest a lot easier that way.
[Image via Twitter/Bobby Finger]