"Don't you just hate it when others appear to delight in an issue that may be superficial or insignificant to them, but is critical and where jobs and businesses can be at risk from inaccurate and misleading comments?"
He's speaking, of course, about weathermen, also known as "the assholes of the skies" of the news.
Anytime it is raining or might rain, here comes a weatherman to let everyone know. These guys never try telling people it's sunny when it's drizzling, even though that would put everyone in a good mood. And they certainly never bite their tongues and just say "Whoops, no weather today," to avoid bragging about an imminent storm. No, as soon as the doppler indicates there might be some rain on the horizon, the meteorolo-dicks are all over it, warning people to "pack an umbrella" or even threatening that it "might get a little wet out there today."
Malcolm Bell has had enough.
Bell, whose county, Cornwall, derives a large portion of its economy from beach tourism, recently railed against weathermen in an interview with the Telegraph, claiming they actively work to cultivate a gloomy, rainy image of the country by making little jokes about how Britain sure is rainy sometimes.
He also argued that they're "obsessed with making a bad situation far worse than it should be" by focusing on the negative (more rain again today) rather than the positive (the rain cannot possibly continue unabated from now until the end of time).
"…[Weathermen should] not try and be stand-up comics at our expense, let alone turn a drama into a crisis."
The high and low point of Bell's rant was his urging of fellow tourism industry professionals to tattle every time a weatherman deviates from his Bell-approved script of robotically delivered highs, lows, and chance of precipitation.
"… I ask the industry, where justified, to contact the TV programme directors each time a flippant comment is made to remind them they are there to deliver accurate and professional forecasts…"
Tourism in Britain is expected to hit an all time low this summer because no one has any reason at all to go there. Nothing's happening. No excitement.
This week's forecast for Cornwall is rainy through Friday.
[The Telegraph // Image via Getty]