Record Drought Set to Ruin America's Pizza Consumption

We already know the U.S is in a drought. But who gives a shit, right? Well, based on our insatiable desire for meat/cheese-based everything, a whole lot of us will start caring soon: dairy and meat prices are about to go way up.

According to dairy doomsayer and agricultural economist with the Department of Agriculture's Economic Research Service, Roger Hoskin, we might have to change the way we live in the most drastic way possible: by cutting back on cheese: "You'll see less cheese on pizzas and in salad bars," says Hoskin. I know this guy is just doing his scientist job and we're not supposed to kill the messenger and all that, but I dare this Hoskins to stop hiding behind the protection of the liberal media (aka USA Today) and say that shit to an actual American's face.

Anyway, we're not going to, like, actually run out of milk - "I can't imagine situations where you'd have people standing in line to get milk at the dairy counter," says Hoskins, which, finally some good news from this dude – but it will get annoyingly, and possibly prohibitively, expensive.

Here's kind of an explanation why the heat and drought are ruining our cheese-based dream life:

Temperatures in the 90s and above mean cows give less milk, and sky-high feed prices are making it more expensive to feed them. Add to that the cost dairies must pay for fans and sprinkler systems to keep the animals cool during long hot days and nights.

And here's how bad it will get, according to milk experts:

By August, the cost of a gallon of milk at the supermarket could rise by 10 to 15 cents and by Christmas an additional 25 cents on top of that, says Mary Ledman, chief analyst with the Daily Dairy Report in Libertyville, Ill.
Wholesale cheese prices are at about $1.72 a pound. "I expect the cheese price to get up to $1.95 in November," says Jerry Dryer, editor of the Dairy & Food Market Analyst in Delray Beach, Fla.

Milk prices are actually at record lows right now. So, and I doubt you need me to point this out to you, the obvious thing to do is buy a bunch of shredded mozzarella and whole milk from your local deli, store it for a few months, then sell it on eBay for probably millions of dollars. Everyone wins, unless you're a vegan in which case you should just shut up and go to space already.

[photo via Shutterstock]