Man with Name Like Children's Book Character Wins Tour de France, Must Immediately Compete in Olympics

Bradley Wiggins won biking's biggest this weekend, becoming the first Briton in history to claim first place in the Tour de France. He beat out other bikers by a huge margin of three minutes and twenty-one seconds.

Second place went to a kindly old boulanger named Monsieur LePain who stumbled into the race three weeks ago while on an early morning bike ride.

Just kidding. It went to Wiggins' teammate, fellow Brit Chris Froome.

Now Wiggins, displaying the tireless drive of a six-year-old pageant superstar always chasing her next Ultimate Grand Supreme title, has begun prepping for appearances in his hometown Olympics, less than a week away.

Here's what he said on Sunday, right after he'd finished biking 2,175 miles in three weeks:

"Everything turns to the Olympics and I'll be out on the bike on Monday. I've got an Olympic time trial to try and win.

It's a little weird to leave Paris without a party because it would be nice to spend time with the team and really enjoy it."

While there were reports Wiggins passed on the traditional Tour winner's celebratory glass of champagne, there are photographs of him taking at least one sip.

He also jokingly told the crowd "Cheers, have a safe journey home, don't get too drunk."

Eager to ruin the happy moment, The Washington Post somberly notes that Wiggins' father died four years ago after a struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, and that Wiggins has spoken openly of a drinking problem he developed early in his career.

Gossipy Post asides aside, Wiggins was a popular figure during this Tour. French papers dubbed him "Le Gentleman" (in Spanish: "El Gentleman") following his display of good sportsmanship after tack-based sabotage brought down some of his top competitors in an earlier stage of the race. (Wiggins slowed down the peloton, or main body of riders, while the hindered cyclists replaced their punctured tires.)

Wiggins will compete in his first event, the Olympic road race, just six days after completing the Tour, on Saturday, July 28th. Following that, he'll participate in the cycling time trial on August 1st.

[Washington Post // Image via Getty]