Floozy Bachelorettes Engaging in Wanton Childbearing

We beseech you, gentle reader: please remove your children from the room before you "click" on this latest bit of alarming news from the womb of America. The bloom, we fear, is completely off the rose; the delicate flower of womanhood, once concealed from prurient eyes by modest burlap sackcloth and lack of enfranchisement, is today being flaunted in short-shorts like just another cheap commodity. What are bawdy tarts doing these days, when they're not busy inadvertently teaching your child about vaginas? They're having babies—without their husband's permission.

Rock solid Christian news organ USA Today has the shocking statistics on what is going into and coming out of women's vaginas, today:

The number of births overall to cohabiting women increased from 14% of all births in 2002 to 23% in 2006-10, according to the first federal report on intended and unintended births since 1990.

Data released today by the National Center for Health Statistics show that more than three-quarters of all births to married women were intended, compared with about half of births to cohabiting women and a third of births to women who are unmarried and not cohabiting.

It's quite natural that a single woman adrift and alone would succumb to an unexpected pregnancy in search of even a moment of a man's firm and reassuring caress. But the fact that women who have a man at home to guide them should also fall prey to unwed birth is a disappointment of gargantuan proportions. Do you men assume that merely occupying the same physical space is enough to qualify you as the proper guardian and keeper of your wife-to-be? Perhaps if you had made her an honest woman through marriage you could have told her not to have that stupid baby. Now your bachelorhood is well and fucked. And you didn't even get any wedding presents. And plus I heard your girl showed her you-know-what to another man (the doctor who delivered her baby).

Will the fresh outrages against feminine modesty never cease?

[USA Today. Photo of typical unmarried women: Joe Loong/ Flickr]