Having lost all sense of reason and purpose for living since his yellow brassiere'd girlfriend was caught rubbing her butt on on the crotch of another, Robert Pattinson is now spending his days holed up in a Country Living nightmare, courtesy of actress Reese Witherspoon, Us Weekly reports.
Witherspoon and Pattinson met while working as romantic leads on the film Water for Elephants, which, critics noted, suffered greatly from a distinct lack of chemistry between its romantic leads.
Update: It's been pointed out in the comments that Pattinson and Witherspoon actually met on the set of the 2004 film Vanity Fair. Pattinson played Witherspoon's son in a scene that was cut from the final version of the movie, probably because the pair failed to demonstrate any sexual chemistry.
Us reports that Witherspoon, 36, offered up her $7M vacation home for Rob, 26, to stay in while he attempts to pick up the pieces of his shattered life because the young Brit has literally not one other friend in the world.
It sounds like a pretty sweet bachelor pad. According to a recent Elle Decor feature on the house, the property comes complete with a chestnut pony, whose big brown eyes will hopefully teach Rob how to trust again.
Even cooler, a silhouette of a dog and cat on a wooden courtyard gate "serves as a gathering spot for family photos."
A source, most likely Witherspoon's 8-year-old son Deacon, gossiped to Us about Rob's current state of mind, saying the actor is "a total mess . . . He's questioning everything."
For photos of Robert Pattinson's alleged California Ranch Misery Castle, click through this Elle Decor image gallery.