This year, the Summer Olympics feature three dozen different sports. At least half of them are awful. Instead of hearing all the fans of minor sports complain when you banish them, why not simply fold them into other sports, creating a new, more entertaining sport?
- Water Polo and Handball: Will you be playing water polo on land, or handball in a pool? You never know, and that's the fun of it.
- Equestrian and Archery: At first glance the equestrian riders supported this idea as a throwback to noble warrior times, until they realized that they would be the targets.
- Triathlon, Modern Pentathlon, and Decathlon: "But I already did some of these events!" you cry halfway through the competition. And while you're sitting around complaining, there goes the eventual champion, a genetically engineered horse-monkey, running on by you.
- Fencing and Shooting: Bringing a knife to a gunfight: a good strategy? We'll find out, over and over again.
- Gymnastics and Weightlifting: Look at how tiny the gymnasts are. Now look at how huge the weightlifters are. Funny, right? Think about that for a while, then go home.
- Hurdles and Swimming: Hurdle into a swimming pool. Now what? Better figure out something because the clock is ticking.
- Sailing and Boxing: Rich guy buys yacht, then gets beat up. The most popular sport of our time.
- Diving and Trampoline: Duh.
[Photo: AP. Thanks, JRL.]