On Thursday, Khloe Kardashian presented the Internet with an insane photograph of herself and her sisters, Kourtney and Kim, modeling Sears' new line of Kardashian-inspired eyewear on her official blog. In so doing, she revealed to the world that the Kardashians have no idea how to conduct themselves as normal humans while simultaneously wearing eyeglasses. This brief analysis attempts to determine how it all went so wrong.
Kim: Like many people new to the world of eyeglasses, Kim is not sure if she is allowed to feel happy while wearing them. Are the eyeglasses a punishment for some misdeed? Are they an ocular form of corporal mortification, meant to remind her of the sufferings of Jesus Christ? Are the eyeglasses a joke? Are they a funny joke and should Kim laugh?
"Hah, that's ironic…" Kim volunteers uncertainly, for this is something she has often heard people wearing eyeglasses say.
She glances about the room to test the response. There is none.
Kourtney: Like many businessmen and heads of state, Kourtney understands that "eyeglasses" is a tool to make a person appear serious. "Eyeglasses" allows Kourtney to make believe that she is a powerful vice president of a shoulder pad manufacturing company. "Eyeglasses" gives Kourtney gravitas. "These numbers are all wrong," huffs Kourtney, at an imaginary board meeting." "Fix these numbers! I am the vice president and I demand respect."
Khloe: Khloe actually doesn't look all that bad, apart from the fact she has been Photoshopped to borderline unrecognizability . Rocking the Kardashians' signature vacant gaze, Khloe's face doesn't say "I am selling EYEGLASSES" so much as it says "I am selling." In this respect, it is a perfect ad for Sears, which is very bland. Well done, Khloe.
Large Jasmine earrings: The large Jasmine earrings everyone is wearing appear to serve no purpose other than to convey a sense of Drama to the advertisement for eyeglasses.
Lace nightmare: The girls are all sporting "new lace items" from the Kardashians' Sears clothing line, which is why the buttons on Kim's coat look so cheap.