Frank Bruni Composes Olympic-Themed Hallmark Card

If bad newspaper columnist Frank Bruni ever decides to take his milquetoast musings to a new industry, he should consider becoming the guy who writes the little inspirational slogans that appear on marketing materials inside the Coca-Cola— Pavilion at the Olympic Games™. He's already had his tryout!

In his column yesterday—on the closely read op-ed pages of the world's most influential newspaper—Frank Bruni taught us about "The Soul of the Olympics," and I really couldn't make this shit up if I tried:

Amid bullets in Colorado and Wisconsin, vitriol on the campaign trail, ominously scorching heat and serious questions about whether we can and will rise to the challenges before us, the Olympics have affirmed that human potential is just about infinite and that the human soul is good.

Frank Bruni is essentially Bob Costas with a traumatic brain injury.

Gabby Douglas gave us a lesson in all of that. I can't quite let go of her smile or her story.

I cannot believe you published that under your own byline. Can that opener possibly get any worse?

Four years ago, at the age of 12, she unsuccessfully begged her mother, Natalie Hawkins, to allow her to leave their home in Virginia and train in Iowa, which seemed so distant and exotic that Hawkins once joked: "Are there people in Iowa? There's just corn."

Corn, that is, and a world-renowned coach who knows a thing or two about harvesting Olympic gold.

Corn, That Is: The Frank Bruni Story.

Many nights, Douglas has said, she cried herself to sleep. But she had this dream.

I got a cavity, just now, reading that.

"I will never leave her side," May-Treanor, sitting next to Walsh Jennings, told Matt Lauer, adding that "that's what this Olympics signified - was the journey off the court together." Walsh Jennings, herself misty, put a hand on her friend's wrist. Medals are the least of what volleyball has given these two.

Cavities give way to diabetic shock.

Those experiences can't be measured in dollars. And by choosing to savor them, she has something to teach us all.

*Plays 'I Believe I Can Fly'*

*Immolates self*

Frank Bruni, a professional writer, is paid more than you.

[NYT. Photo: Getty]