Thoughtful Pimp Explains 'Rules 2 da Game of Hoez'

Have you ever wanted to adopt a big pimping lifestyle, but been wary because you're afraid of looking like a clown who doesn't know the rules?

Cops in Long Island have just released a (charmingly handwritten) document titled "Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez!!!" seized from the home of the alleged ringleaders of a prostitution and heroin operation.

Here are knowledgable [alleged] pimp Steven McDaniel's Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez!!!, as [allegedly] provided to his [alleged] pimping protégée Sandra Russell:

1) Alwayz make them need and depend on you so you have power over them. (Power is control)

2) Make them understand that you don't need them they need you, they are replaceable. Never let them no if you need them deep down inside.

3) Never let no1 get away with sneakin anything cause once they feel they can get away they will alwayz scheme.

4) No matter how much you like or care for 1 or any of them, don't trust none of them. (Like Scarface, who do I trust?? Me that's who..)

5) Alwayz stay 2 step's ahead of the game you have them playin..

6) Don't let them no all your Plan's. But alwayz try 2 no there's.

7) Make sure you own there mind's, body's, and soul's. (N test it out every often 2 make sure.)

8) Keep your bi[?] on the low as possible when it come's 2 family and hater's. (cause you can't trust none of them)

9) Alwayz try 2 no whatz goin on..(Make them tell on each other)

10) Give respect when respect's due..(Follow these rules and you should b gucci.)

Thoughtful Pimp Explains 'Rules 2 da Game of Hoez'S

Unlike the utterly incomprehensible Game of Thrones, the Game of Hoez!!! is pretty straightforward.

Believe in yourself, plan ahead, and respect everyone except hoez, haters, and your family.

Solid advice.

Image via The Smoking Gun // Thanks to Deadspin for the transcript