Only two letters this week, but what high-caliber letters they are. Both are full of advice—for Gawker and for actor Ezra Miller—and have provided a lot to think about. Have a poo-tastic weekend, everyone.

Ramblings from a poo, urine, and vomit enthusiast

From: Glen F.
Subject: Change It
I do not like this story about the poo on the subway. The lady who write this story, Caity Weaver, may have put the shit there on her own. Or some bird may have put it there. Or some dog may have put it there. Or some garbage man may have put it there. Do not accuse. So change it up on this one.

I also want to talk about this guy Ezra Miller who says he is queer. I have some advice for him: straighten it up. I do not watch to see urinating on a man or drinking another man's urine. Or eating the vomit or dog shit. This is provoking to me so straighten it up. So there!

From: Emma C.
Wait, so it was your poo?

From: Glen F.
I do not comprehend this reply.

A good Christian writes in

Why don't you do some actual fact finding.
You are an idiot. There is plenty of evidence for the Ark, and the global flood. Keep your crappy opinions to yourself.
Do the world a favor and kill yourself.