Earlier this week, a worker from the Lab Animal Services division of a Georgia research university was found spending time at work with the lab animals he loved.
Sometimes, no matter what you do in life, a hater is going to find a way to hate.
Haters will note that the man, 32-year-old Coley Mitchell, was discovered "drunk" and "partially nude." They will observe that two monkeys were "out of their cages" and running wild in the lab when Mitchell was found. They will tut-tut that Mitchell, a friend to all animals [who are down to party and aren't narcs or dicks], was arrested for "public drunkenness," even though, in many fraternal organizations, public drunkenness is considered a virtue—something to aspire to.
Following the antics of Drunk Monkey Monday, the monkeys were checked out by a veterinarian. Kind of weird that it's cool when a vet touches the little guys all on their bellies and tells them he loves them and holds them real close, but when ol' Whiskey Mitchell does the same thing, it's considered "behavior that conflicts with the research, education, and clinical missions of the university."
A spokeshater for Georgia Health Sciences University released a statement to TV station WJBF, promising that "no animals were harmed during the incident." Unfortunately, the spokesperson could not confirm that no animals were hated on during the incident, because everyone is hating, hard.
It is unknown which parts of Mitchell were nude.