Gay men are the people you want judging your child beauty pageant. There's a dramatically lessened chance they'll be there for pedo reasons, they are more likely to simultaneously care about and find the humor in the charade of pageantry and since child-having is at least more complicated for them, if it's an option at all, they're often less precious about kids and happy to talk shit about them. That was my experience, at least, and last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras brought everything I'm talking about way over the top. A panel of celebrity-impersonating drag queens judged the little girls who are drag queens in their own right. As the pageant director explained, "These judges work in the entertainment industry, and know change and glitz better than any other competitor." Haaay.

I would also like to take this opportunity to point out the most insane four seconds of TV I've seen this week (so far — the Polyamory: Married and Dating finale is on tonight and you know on that show, anything goes). This flashed onscreen during the opening moments of this same T&T episode: Buddy, who has hair down to his ass and is 3 or 4. He is dressed like a Chippendale and then undressed like one. What the fuck?