There is nothing not weird and wonderful about this crime story out of Oregon. It involves drinking, sexting, and getting stoned while talking to cats.
And no one was injured, so we can all enjoy it guilt-free.
Thomas Paul Nunes, husband of former Oregon City police lieutenant Lisa Nunes, already had some trouble with guns. In 1995, he got drunk and stole a couple of his wife's shotguns for some aimless shooting. Thomas lost his eye when police returned fire, but somehow his marriage remained intact.
Things deteriorated over the years, however, culminating in a bizarre incident on June 23. Three weeks after Lisa's retirement from the force, the on-the-rocks couple decided to go out drinking. While bar-hopping, Lisa started getting dick pics and other sexts from a friend.
I'm 54 years old. I have a relationship with my husband that's non-existent ... I was just sexting a guy. It was no big deal.
But it was a big deal to Thomas, who said he felt "betrayed" that his wife was sexting right in front of him. And really, who wouldn't? The way he chose to handle it, though, is not so defensible.
Thomas grabbed his wife's phone and took it home, where he pored over her texts. Then he went through her Facebook to see if any attractive young men were poking her. At this point, we arrive at the article's high point, pun fully intended—
Shaken, [Thomas] said he smoked marijuana and talked to his cats for about 20 minutes to calm himself and "reason out a plan."
If you're thinking about doing something stupid, do not turn to your cats for answers. They will not talk you out of it.
Hours later, Thomas found his wife sleeping in the guest room and decided to wake her up. That's his story — it's possible he was just drunk, baked, and a terrible shot. But the bullet ended up a full foot above Lisa's head, so the "I meant to do that" defense is somewhat reasonable. Still a terrible way to wake someone up.
Then came his one smart move: Thomas decided to turn the gun over to the Oregon Police Department.
But he bungled that by entering the police station with the weapon concealed, strapped to his ankle. That is a bad idea for anyone, but especially for someone who was previously involved in a gunfight with police.
"The mind is boggled," Judge Kathie F. Steele said. Boggled — but also kind of amused, right?
Thomas has been sentenced to 10 years in prison. Lisa filed for divorce a week after the incident. She was not charged with anything, because sexting is not a crime.
The Nunes' cats were unavailable for comment.
[Image via Shutterstock]