Tom Cruise formally ended his raw, real heterosexual love affair with actress Katie Holmes on Monday, after a judge in New York agreed to the final terms of their divorce.
Cruise and Holmes' prenuptial agreement ensures that Katie will receive none of the little guy's estimated $250 million fortune, though the five years of hot sex he definitely gave her and didn't even have to close his eyes while doing it because he was super into it probably more than made up for that.
Cruise will, however, have to pay her for the upkeep of his very expensive child, a luxury six-year-old with custom detailing, of whom Holmes has sole legal and primary residential custody.
In addition to this, Cruise will cover Pickpocket's expenses, including medical (hundreds of invoices for Band-Aids), dental insurance (all the retainers Pickpocket will lose on discarded lunch trays), and "extracurricular costs" (lacrosse sticks for everyone), until she turns 18.
He'll also be responsible for her education costs, including college.
The juicy detail here is that Holmes and Cruise have both agreed that their daughter will not attend a "residential [boarding] school" before she turns 18. People who don't know and will never meet Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are speculating that this is Holmes' way of ensuring Pickpocket is not shipped off to Scientology indoctrination bootcamp.
It also means that she cannot attend Hogwarts, even if summoned to do so.