Neil Armstrong, the first human being to ever set foot on the moon, died over the weekend, triggering an avalanche of eulogies, remembrances, and memorials. Both from the vast majority of human beings who are in awe of Armstrong's feat — and from the few hundred weirdos on the internet who believe the moon landing was faked by Illuminati Reptilians.
Since Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins visited the moon in 1969, people have been claiming that the whole thing was a hoax — staged and filmed (some say by Stanley Kubrick) as a political distraction, or a propaganda exercise, or an occult ritual. Or maybe all three. There's a long and extensive debunking of the conspiracy on Wikipedia. Toward the end of his life, Armstrong took the theorizing in stride — "People love conspiracy theories, they're very attractive. But they were never a concern to me," he told an Australian television station earlier this year — but they never stopped. Not even with his death.
As always, the place to start to find the best of the conspiratorial web is the Godlike Productions message board. It doesn't disappoint:
Of these posts, the best might be "Wake up! Alien voice sound bite from HOLOGRAPHIC MOON! Neil Armstrong is an alien on the holographic moon!!!":
The "alien voice soundbite" is a nine-second video of a car driving down a road.
Meanwhile, "BREAKING!! Neil Armstrong Has Died! There is Rumor That He Was About To Blow The Whistle And Announce The Moon Land Was A Hoax!!" links to several videos featuring Neil Armstrong's public statements played backwards, revealing messages like "We will not survive."
One poster darkly hints at Armstrong's motivation:
In contrast, the anonymous Hong Kong resident who started the thread "Did Neil Armstrong leave a 'Dead Man's Trigger'?" is more concerned with numerology:
Also deeply concerned with numerology is UndercoverAlien, who started "HAH, Lance 'ARMSTRONG' loses titles, 'DIES' professionally... ONE day later, Neil 'ARMSTRONG' literally dies. WTF?"
"if the third celebrity death is another 'armstrong', then you might be on to something," writes a Malaysian contributor. "Who knows? it could be the US signing the UN small arms treaty, after a couple more 'random' shootings."
But for pure unhinged poetry, no other GLP thread is as breathtaking as "Neil Armstrong - LYING PIECE OF MASON SHIT: Good RIDDANCE." Take it away, T Ceti H.C. Radnarg:
Rest in peace, Neil Armstrong. At least you'll never have to deal with these crazies again.