This week's New Yorker contains a profile of Scooter Braun, 31-year-old manager of the Wanted, Carly Rae Jepsen and, most importantly, Justin Bieber ("For a reason that Braun can't explain, most of his acts are from the British Commonwealth," writes Lizzie Widdicombe).
Widdicombe sheds light on some old-model-versus-new-model stuff ("Ten years ago, a pop star might not have a fragrance that does a hundred and twenty million dollars in business in a year") and gives a snapshot of Braun's archetype-loving character. Braun was obsessed with Superman as a kid and says Bieber "was born with the Superman powers." Braun also loves Mickey Mouse, at one point in the piece purchasing a statue of the animated character and using him as a way to not seem creepy: "It's a nonthreatening thing," he says of his penchant for wearing Mickey Mouse T-shirts. "The whole world loves Mickey." That sounds exactly like something a threatening person who didn't want to appear to be that way would say, but whatever.
Mostly the piece is a sideways profile of Bieber, who pops up throughout. Did you know that Swaggy Doo prays to Jesus and recites the Shema before every concert? Or that he responds really passively to micromanaging (he asks "softly," "Who cares, though?" after Braun calls him out on a missed step)? Also, did you know that he likes to do that weird thing pubescent boys do and hit his friends dicks and balls with his hand? Backstage during a taping for The Voice, he engaged in some of that so-gay-it's-totally-straight-brah horseplay with Braun, Voice host Carson Daly and a member of the Wanted:
Bored, Bieber started a game, playfully jabbing everyone in the crotch with his fist. First, he jabbed at Braun, who, without looking up from the script, dropped his hands to block. Daly did the same. When Bieber jabbed at Siva Kaneswaran, a member of the Wanted, he connected. He called out, "Got you, bro." Kaneswaran balled his fist but seemed unsure how to respond. "I don't want to hurt his pretty face," he said.
Braun said, "Just get him in the pretty balls. It's fair game."
"No, it's not," Bieber said.
Braun took a firm tone. "Justin, it is-fair game," he said. "You hit him in the balls, fair game."
Bieber was peeved. "Where're we going?" he asked. "Where's my dressing room?"
That's all we get. We're left inferring that Bieber's pretty balls were left untapped.
[Image via Getty]