World's Oldest Woman Says She Got There by Being Super Boring

116-year-old Besse Cooper celebrated another birthday as the world's oldest living person today.

Cooper is a Virgo, which means she is analytical, precise, and reliable, though she may also come across as fussy and inflexible. She would get along very well with Jessica Alba, a Taurus, and Henri Matisse, a Capricorn. A good occupation for her would be institutional worker (particularly mental hospitals and prisons), though now that she is extremely old the best occupation for her would probably be nothing.

Guinness World Records reports that Cooper is one of only eight documented "supercentenarians" to have reached the age of 116. The oldest person known to have ever lived is Methuselah (no last name given), who died at age 969, followed by Frenchwoman Jeanne Calment who died at age 122.

When a super old person is asked how they managed to live so long, they typically give a fun, sassy answer like, "I eat jellybeans and fried chicken every day!" or, "Once a month I hunt a human for sport."

Unfortunately, Besse seems to have reached 116 by being totally boring.

"I mind my own business and I don't eat junk food."

By refusing to sully her lips with gossip, Cooper is cheating the world out of 100 years of secrets. What did Grover Cleveland smell like? Was Lizzie Borden fun at parties? Were people smaller back then? Etc.

Besse was Born in Tennessee in 1896 and married her husband Luther in 1924.

In honor of her birthday, a bridge in the Georgia County where she has lived since the 1920s was named for her.

[Guinness World Records via Slate // Image via AP]