It's a pretty safe bet that Prince Harry has some regrets about his recent Fear and No Clothing in Las Vegas romp.
He probably regrets getting his security team in trouble, or maybe just hiring an incompetent security team in the first place.
Turns out she's 40, dude, haha gross.
70-year-old Carrie Reichert recently sold her story about her "15 to 20 minutes" of passion with the prince to U.K. publication the People.
According to excerpts provided by the Daily Mail British-born Reichert said she and Harry discussed her childhood in Britain ("I grew up there." "Cool, I am the prince of there.") before sliding all the way to first base, which Harry found "great":
"We kissed for 15 to 20 minutes. I am sure someone stumbled in as there were people going in and out of rooms all the time. We kissed again and he said 'That was great.'"
But take a look down at those soft lips, you're kissing, Prince Harry; it turns out you're hugging nothing but a dirty old pile of pirate bones.
"She's definitely not 32."
"Online records," the website helpfully points out, suggest "Carrie Reichert is actually 40 years old."
But if Harry was already scraping his tongue raw with a hard-bristled tooth brush at that revelation, this next bombshell will make him want to just rip out all his teeth and tastebuds and start all over again:
However, when shown a picture of Prince Harry, the afternoon hostess at the Old Country Buffet on Jonestown Rd. said "Oh, that nice young man? He comes here every Tuesday with Mrs. Reichert."