Pointless texts are flying across cell networks at a staggering rate. Attempting to read, process, and respond to them while driving is a potentially dangerous situation. So, in an effort to help curb the futility of human existence, to cut down on texting-related driving mishaps, and to save everyone a little time and money (text messaging rates apply!), here are 10 types of texts in no particular order that get your friends' blood boiling — all perfect examples of messages that can wait until you're not operating a motor vehicle.
1. LMGTFY Texts
If you send a friend (and owner of a perfectly functional smartphone) with whom you are trying to make plans the following:
And they respond with:
2. 'I'm Going to Be Out of the Country Doing Something Fabulous' Out-of-Smartphone Messages
Have fun in Thailand. Thanks for making everyone undyingly jealous.
3. Group Texts to People Who Don't Know Each Other Well Enough to Have Each Others' Numbers
Messages from mystery numbers are either terrifying (collection agency?) or titillating (that dude from Match?), so they tend to elicit a heart palpitation in the recipient. How does this +1 (415) 515-5555 have your number anyway? Plus, you'll feel obligated to acknowledge receipt of the message, and then, my friend, you are texting into the void. Which just feels strange.
4. Big Long Stories
Remember email? So weird...it still works!
5. Last-Minute Plan-Bailers that Don't Even Have the Decency to Contain a Lame Excuse
Saying you can't make it but you'll explain later is worse than not showing up. Chances are the person receiving said text already figured you weren't coming — all they want is a little effort on your part to try and explain why they're not seeing your smiling face at their (insert birthday party, exhibit, show, reading, fundraiser, etc. here). If, come the night of the thing, you just don't want to go, or happen to not like the host anymore, or got a better offer for the evening, fine — but don't say that. But you have to offer some excuse. Look at it as an exercise in creativity. Just make something up.
6. Cryptic One-Worders
These are weird when sent as an initial communiqué or as a reply. They're meaningless, nonsensical, and usually not even words that are not inside jokes. They're just weird. Examples:
Even if Auto Correct is to blame, the bandwidth needed to send them (though infinitesimal) is too much.
7. Grammar/Spelling Corrections
Yes, people get that you didn't mean "drimk." No need for a second text.
8. 'Just Sayin' Hi' Messages from Exes or Others with Whom You Have Relationships Fraught with Unresolved Drama
If you broke up with someone over 5 years ago and didn't maintain a friendship, there's no need to send them a "Happy 4th of July" text just because you happen to have their number. Chances are, they've already deleted your digits and you'll come off even creepier. They've moved on, son. Text someone who cares.
9. Any 'FWD:'
Haha, that Borat joke is extremely relevant! No it's not. Don't ever forward it. FWDs in general have no place in the texting world as they are confusing to decipher and almost always information-less.
10. 'lol' and Variants Thereof
Searching for validation that you're a funny creature is something best achieved on Twitter.
There you have it. This essential guide to inessential texts was created in partnership with AT&T's Texting While Driving campaign. Reading or sending dumb texts while driving is just not worth the risk — check out AT&T's website, itcanwait.com, to learn about the dangers of texting while driving and take the pledge to never text and drive again.