For as long as Man has possessed the infinite gift of language, he has used his tool to wonder aloud: Are Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian friends?
According to whispers about backstage shenanigans at Jay-Z's Made in America Festival in Philadelphia ("The New York of the East") last weekend, the answer, at last:
Aw hale no.
And you know they both knew the other one was around. Beyoncé knew Kim was there because Kim's boyfriend Kanye West was appearing as Jay-Z's special guest. Kim knew Beyoncé was there because people kept walking up and asking her to take pictures of them with Beyoncé.
The NYDN quotes a second source as saying that, though Kim and Queen Bey eventually had a brief, uncomfortable chat in a dressing room,
"…you could tell Kim was uncomfortable. She clung onto Kanye the entire time and didn't say much."
According to them, Beyoncé was irked at the fact that Kim kept throwing herself, Lucy Ricardo style, into the line of vision of director Ron Howard, who was on site filming a documentary about the festival because all celebrities know one another.
Quoth a Radar source, who uses phrases like "movie maverick" in every day conversation:
"[Kim] kept saying she was a huge fan of Ron Howard and would do anything to be cast in one of his films, so [she] was using this as an opportunity to impress the movie maverick."
"To be or not to be…" began Kim, holding a grapefruit aloft and glancing over her shoulder to see if Ron Howard was watching, while, in a corner, Beyoncé fumed.
Eventually, Beyoncé, the Mom Kim Kardashian never had, got so fed up with her pulling on Ron Howard's sleeve and demanding "Watch me tap dance, Mr. Howard! Shuffle ball change, paradiddle, paradiddle, stomp!" that she stormed over and reminded Kimberly that everything's not always about her—and that she needed to cool it.
"She took Kim to one side and told her that the day wasn't about her, it was about Jay-Z, his work in organizing the event and there were other celebrities and musicians there that needed coverage too."
Following the exchange, Radar reports that Kim phoned up her Cool Friend Kris, who gave birth to her but hates rules and loves texting, to complain about how Mr. Howard will never put her in a show at the Tropicana now that Beyoncé ruined everything.
"Later that night, Kim phoned her mom Kris to complain about the harsh treatment she thought she got at the festival. She just isn't used to not getting what she wants."
Radar adds that Jay-Z stepped in to ask Beyoncé to not be mean to Kim because she's dating Kanye right now and how long could that possibly last.
Thus ends another episode of Degrassi: A Hip Hopera.