Not one to let Fiona Apple's a bizarre, rambling statement concerning her recent arrest at a Texas border checkpoint for hash and marijuana possession go unretorted, the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Department Public Information Officer has released his own bizarre, rambling statement, calling Apple out for promising to make him and other department members "fucking famous any time you ask."
"First, Honey, I'm already more famous than you, I don't need your help," writes Rusty Fleming in his open letter to the "Criminal" singer. "However, it would appear that you need mine."
Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, - now that you've been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don't worry Sweetie, I won't bill you.
Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail.
Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don't know you but I'm sure you're an awesome and talented young woman and even though I'm not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I'm sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best-so my last piece of advice is simple 'just shut-up and sing.'
Apple still has to answer to the felony and misdemeanor charges against her, and could face up to 10 years in prison if convicted.
[photo via AP]