How Dirty is J.K. Rowling's New Book? The Casual Vacancy by the Numbers

J.K. Rowling's first post-Harry Potter book The Casual Vacancy was released this weekend to (at best) mixed reviews. The one thing everyone agrees about: This is an Adult Novel with plenty of Dirty Bits. But how dirty is it? We've crunched the numbers.

Below, a list of some of the best dirty words, the frequency of their appearances in Rowling's book (at a length of around 166,000 words), and samples of the ways in which they're used. The upshot: this is definitely a Dirty Book — not quite Harry Potter fanfic-level dirty, but dirty enough for some 13-year-old to hide under his or her pillow for later.

Note: These are all direct quotes from the novel, but, in order to prevent spoiling the plot, we've replaced all character names with new, randomly-chosen names to hide their identities.

Arse

Appears: 5 times
Sample: "You got a lovely arse, Dumbledore."

Bitch

Appears: 31 times
Sample: "Fuckin' snobby bitch, Cedric always said when Neville's name came up."

Bloody

Appears: 61 times
Sample: "'Bloody old slapper,' said Professor McGonagall, as Lavender walked away, and Seamus smelt the spirits on her breath."

Breasts

Appears: 17 times
Sample: "She had so far allowed him to insert two fingers inside her, hot and firm and slippery; he had unhooked her bra and been permitted to place his hands on her warm, heavy breasts."

Condom

Appears: 10 times
Sample: "After ringing the doorbell, Parvati noticed a used condom glistening in the grass beside her feet, like the gossamer cocoon of some huge grub."

Cunt

Appears: 8 times
Sample: "Beedle the Bard losing control and starting to spew all his favourite swearwords into a microphone: cunting, fucking, pissy, shit ..."

Fingering

Appears: 1 time
Sample: "'Getting in's harder than I thought it would be,' said Godric Gryffindor, and Salazar Slytherin was mesmerized, half inclined to laugh, afraid of missing every unvarnished detail Godric could give him. 'She was wetter when I was fingering her.'"

Fuck

Appears: 214 times
Sample:"'You fuckin' look after him fer a fuckin' change then, you useless fuckin' smackhead cow!' Luna screamed."

Heroin

Appears: 13 times
Sample: "As Madame Pomfrey had feared, Hermione had paid Cho Chang with a bag of heroin."

Nipple

Appears: 4 times
Sample: "Crabbe had muttered to Oliver Wood, coming up for air in between long, wet explorations of each other's mouths, while his thumbs had rubbed backwards and forwards over her nipples."

Paedo

Appears: 1 time
Sample: "You know Fenrir's old man? Wall, the deputy headmaster? He's only a bloody paedo."

Penis and synonyms

Appears: 10 times
Sample: "A great apron of stomach fell so far down in front of his thighs that most people thought instantly of his penis when they first clapped eyes on him, wondering when he had last seen it, how he washed it, how he managed to perform any of the acts for which a penis is designed."

Shag

Appears: 13 times
Sample: "She had thought that she might not see Lord Voldemort any more, after their shag in the cemetery, because he had been almost silent afterwards and left her with barely a goodbye, but they had since met up on the rec."

Shit

Appears: 43 times
Sample: "'Yes, I know that,' snapped Harry, remembering Ron's shitty, crusted bottom, 'but he's still loved.'"

Snog

Appears: 4 times
Sample: "Had he just snogged Hagrid's mother? Had her husband walked in on them? Had that really happened?"

Vagina

Appears: 1 time
Sample: "The prospect of finally going all the way had something to do with him truanting today and coming to the Fields, although he had not thought of Dobby herself (as opposed to her splendid breasts and that miraculously unguarded vagina) until he saw the name of her street."

Wank

Appears: 2 times
Sample: "You boys keep wanking. I want a shag."

Whore

Appears: 7 times
Sample: "Though she responded by calling Remus a little bitch and a whore, it was with vacant detachment."