Despite the fact that his ex-girlfriend received a suspended jail sentence for nearly ripping off his testicles with her teeth, Martin Douglas decided to try and patch things up with her.
A "chance encounter" in March of this year brought the two former flames to the same wine bar in Newcastle, where they had a "friendly chat," which Maria Topp followed up with a text message to Douglas asking if he still loved her.
The father-of-three apparently still had feelings for the mother-of-four who last year bit a hole in his scrotum during an alcohol-infused lovers spat.
His balls having since been reattached by doctors, Douglas decided to give their relationship another go, and the two spent four months engaging in a platonic affair that consisted mostly of meals and drinks.
"I wasn't ready for a full on relationship," Topp, who swears she doesn't remember masticating Douglas's manhood, told The Daily Mail.
Things were fine for a time, but after another altercation on June 28th, Douglas decided to end their relationship on his own terms this time. Wanting to ensure his decision couldn't come back to bite him, he phoned the police and informed them that Topp had violated her restraining order by meeting up with him.
"The next thing I knew was when I saw the police outside my flat and they said they had a complaint from Martin Douglas saying I was harassing him with texts and phone calls," Topp is quoted as saying. "I was arrested and charged with harassment and breaching my order."
Topp was ordered to pay a fine of £150, as well as an addition £15-a-week surcharge to be deducted from her £40.50-a-week Jobseeker's Allowance.
"I never thought he would do something like this," Topp said. "It is a stab in the back."
Not exactly an even trade, but it's a start.
[photo via Facebook]