Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is in the middle of his "I Got the Maid Pregnant and Wrote a Book About It" press tour, during which he's been candid with interviewers about his inner turmoil. (Yes, when your wife starts asking about your illegitimate son, things get rocky.)
I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for Arnold when he opens up — that, or we're supposed to pick up a copy of Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story. His sound bites, however, sound a little rehearsed.
The thing that can really make you lose is if you get emotionally unbalanced — if I put everything that is happening emotionally on deep freeze. So I became an expert at living in denial.
That's from the alleged "blow job" of an interview Schwarzenegger gave to 60 Minutes. Is "deep freeze" an intentional reference to Batman & Robin? We can dream.
Elsewhere, Schwarzenegger has been a bit looser. On Good Morning America, he talked about his poor handling of the secret lovechild situation.
I was just, I think, too scared about losing everything, too scared about losing [Maria], losing the family and I just didn't know how.
He called continuing to employ the maid he impregnated, Mildred Baena, "the best way I could handle it." Certainly less risky than firing her.
Even when it almost sounds like he's speaking from the heart, however, it's important to remember that Arnold is on a book tour, and that he's profiting from "the stupidest thing I've done in the whole relationship." His stated desire to one day reconcile with Maria Shriver is absurd — nothing he's done while promoting his book suggests he has any intention of making things right.
The only real point in Schwarzenegger's favor is the revelation that he performed gay marriages while serving as governor. Until, of course, you remember that he publicly spoke out against marriage equality and only saw fit to officiate these weddings behind closed doors. So, yep, still a dick.
[Image via AP]