Two Government Economists Who Were Obama Donors Magically Falsified the Unemployment Figures, I Bet

When the sunny unemployment figures came out this morning, savvy conservatives knew that something rotten was afoot. A 0.3% decline in unemployment—one month before an election? Tell us another one, NObamatards. And now, these clear-eyed zealots may have found the smoking gun that they need to prove that something that is clearly not a conspiracy is, in fact, a conspiracy.

The sleuths at the Washington Free Beacon have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that not just one, but two economists employed at the Bureau of Labor Statistics donated money to Obummer's election campaign. This guy, for example:

Stephen Phillips of Washington, D.C., has contributed at least $270 to Obama during the 2012 cycle. According to his LinkedIn profile, Phillips has been an economist at BLS since June 2009. Phillips was responsible for examining the impact of Obamacare on Healthcare North American Industry Classification System indices. Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls' high school tennis team in 2010.

PLAUSIBLE THEORY: Economist Pervy McPerverson takes a few minutes off from leering at high school girls in tennis skirts to huddle with his Obummer donor pal at BLS, and then... they somehow engineer the falsification of an impartial nationwide government survey, a conspiracy which would, by necessity, be orders of magnitude larger than, say, the JFK assassination. The thousand other economists employed by BLS knew nothing.

Occam's razor, people.

[Image via BLS.]