North Korea's Greatest Popular Hero Is a LatheS

Dear Honorable leader Kim Jong Un inspires glory among all of his well-fed and athletic socialist subjects simply by triumphantly touring his happy nation, joyously soaking in the pleasant aroma of the world's best flowers, and never, ever eating those flowers, because of the aforementioned well-fed status of the North Korean people. The overstuffed smiling citizens of the DPRK demand that a machine lathe be awarded all outstanding heroic accolades and awards!

Title of Labor Hero Awarded to Lathe No. 26 at Pyongyang Textile Machine Factory
Pyongyang, October 4 (KCNA) — The DPRK awarded the title of labor hero of the DPRK and the gold medal (hammer and sickle) and the First Class of the Order of National Flag to the lathe No. 26 at the Pyongyang Textile Machine Factory.

Allow felicitations of gladness to abound throughout the Pyongyang countryside on this merry occasion! But what makes Lathe No. 26 so very special?

Lathe No. 26 is the historic lathe which leader Kim Jong Il personally operated when he came to this factory for production practice during his days of study at Kim Il Sung University.

He set a noble example of equipment and technological management and raised the torch of the model machine movement.

The rapturous citizens of Pyongyang demand that their food rations be donated to Lathe No. 26! The employees of Pyongyang Tangogi Restaurant, Phyongnam Noodle Restaurant and the Wheat Cake Stuffed with Roast Chicken Shop of the Kumsong Foodstuff Factory will donate their precious Leader Kim Jong Un autographs to Lathe No. 26 in an offering of glory! The children of Chongjin would travel to Pyongyang themselves to pay respect to the Lathe, were it not for their malnutrition-induced abnormally short stature.

Three grand cheers for the splendid Lathe!

[KCNA, WaPo. Photo: AP]