Esquire and Yahoo! have teamed up to give us the presidential poll to end all presidential polls; finally answering burning questions like, which candidate would win in a fistfight? And who would win in a Republican vs. Democrat dream team matchup of Ronald Reagan vs. Bill Clinton?

It should be noted that the poll was conducted after the party conventions, but before Romney's 47 percent remarks were made public and the first debate (politically damaging moments for Romney and Obama, respectively).

First things first, among likely voters polled: 50 percent said they'd vote for President Obama and 46 percent chose Mitt Romney. That is a statistical tie, given the poll's 4 percent margin of error.

The poll covers a lot of ground, but below you will find some of the highlights:


Esquire/Yahoo! addressed what is generally perceived as the "least electable" quality of both candidates.

You'll remember that during the Republican primaries, Mitt Romney's religion was a hot topic: Would Americans be willing to vote for a real-life member of the Henrickson family? Apparently, the answer is yes. Only 13 percent of those polled said they knew someone who wouldn't vote for ole Mormon Mitt.

Buuuuuuuut back the fuck up, because 26 percent of people said they knew someone who wouldn't vote for Obama because he's African-American. 26 percent? It's 2012, just quit it with the racism. However, Esquire notes that most of those counted among this 26 percent are Democrats, nonwhites, and people with white guilt postgraduate degrees. So they're probably all talking about their racist grandfathers.

"Average" American

This question is hilarious. Fourteen percent of Americans say they believe they have a lot in common with President Obama, while 48 percent say they have noting at all in common with Mitt Romney. Oh you think you're so like Obama, do you? Do you guys BBM each other while you're riding in your motorcades and casually chit-chat about the nuclear codes? Almost no one reading this has anything whatsoever in common with either man. The notion that we want to elect a person who is like us is completely ridiculous, and if that's really how you feel, I suggest you write my name in on your ballot, because I guarantee you I cried while eating fast food much more recently than Barack Obama or Mitt Romney.

Presidential Fistfight

Yes, Barack Obama would probably win in a fistfight. That is because he is thirteen years younger than Mitt Romney.

The poll is in Esquire's November issue, which also features a topless Mila Kunis raging against the GOP's attachment to Jesus, if you're into that sort of thing.

[Image via AP // Screengrabs via Esquire]