Meet Shiseido, an actual human being (not a makeup line), who says she has a fear of mayonnaise. The 25-year-old was profiled on last night's My Food Obsession, the Cooking Channel's answer to TLC's range of programming of weird people doing weird shit extremely.

Shiseido says her mayophobia (actual clinical term, look it up) originated in childhood when her mother would chase her around with bottles and small packets. I wish I were making this up. I'm not, but I suspect Shiseido might be. For one thing, when she encounters mayo, she kind of just goes, "Ew," and moves on. That seems normal? Mayo is disgusting. Also, during her exposure therapy, Shiseido's eyes roll back a little and she says she feels her knees give out, but she makes it through just fine and seems invested into working up to a day when she can slather mayo all over her body like a normal person. She doesn't sufficiently freak out like the freak she's selling herself as.

This was not advertised as anything but reality, and yet it plays like a Funny or Die parody. If this is fake, at the very least it is responsible for some great quotes like, "Mayonnaise freaks me out because it isn't right." I love the idea of an improv exercise being based around something so ridiculous — this is what theater of the absurd looks like in the 21st century.