In what will hopefully become tradition for all future Super Bowls, the Associated Press is reporting that Beyoncé has signed on to perform at the half-time show of Super Bowl XLVII in February.
She will kill it. She will not give anyone the middle finger. She will whip the crowd into such a frenzied state of collective effervescence that the players will vote to toss out the scores because "we're just playing for fun here."
An unexpected side-effect of the AP story is that it underscores just how little there is to say about Beyoncé aside from "DIVA," "KILLIN' IT," "BOW DOWN TO THE QUEEN," and other things in capital letters.
The article opens with a reference from one of the Three Beyoncé Songs of Reference (Bootylicious, Crazy in Love, and Single Ladies):
All the single ladies will be watching the upcoming Super Bowl along with football lovers.
It goes on to speculate that Beyoncé could end up collaborating with her husband, Jay-Z, or Destiny's Child band mates, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, on the basis of no evidence other than the fact she knows these people and has been photographed with them:
If Beyonce's performance at the Pepsi NFL Halftime Show features collaborations, it could likely include husband-rapper Jay-Z and her Destiny's Child bandmates Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams.
Pretty much the only thing it needed was an allusion to Beyoncé's hero and grown-up BFF Michelle Obama and it would have exhausted our collective knowledge of Beyoncé. For as much as we see her, she's pretty hard to know.
Look for the official announcement regarding this Bootylicious DIVA wife of Jay-Z/friend of Michelle Obama's Super Bowl performance to drop Wednesday.
UPDATE: Beyoncé has just confirmed it herself, via an image on her website.
AP // Image via Getty