All of New England Is Rushing to Check This List of Alleged Zumba JohnsS

What's that sound? Why, it's the sound of every single person in Maine and most of New England rushing to their computers or nearest newsagents to check this list of alleged clients of Alexis Wright, the alleged Zumba madam of Kennebunk, Maine.

You may be wondering: what is an alleged Zumba madam? It is a woman who allegedly runs a prostitution business out of a Zumba studio. And what is Zumba? A consultation of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazred's infamous grimoire the Necronomicon reveals: "Zumba combines Latin and International music with a fun and effective workout system. With classes and instructors worldwide, anyone can Join the Party!"

And what party: Wright is alleged to have a client list of over 100 men — lawyers, real estate agents, even, apparently, a prominent television personality — many of whom she allegedly filmed in the act of coitus. It was this filming, in fact, that led to the odd state in which the list of names was released:

As a result of [lawyer Stephen] Schwartz's last appeal, a judge ordered that those alleged clients who have been charged but are also victims of invasion of privacy [i.e., the ones who were filmed] shall not have their addresses released to the public. In the press release issued Monday, the Kennebunk Police Department said it would not be providing the ages and states of residency for those charged with engaging in prostitution as it would contribute to "identifying" those who may be the alleged victims of invasion of privacy.

The first round of names, with identifying middle initials, was released today; there are more to come as more are formally charged. Here's the list:

  • Gary D. Bahlkow
  • Jens W. Bergen
  • Norman P. Crepeau
  • Joseph P. Cuetara
  • Kenneth A. Fairbanks
  • Donald F. Hill
  • Monie B. Hobbs Jr.
  • David Kline
  • Robert R. Labonte
  • Dale P. Madore
  • Paul A. Main
  • Harry J. McMann
  • Kevin L. Pagliccia
  • Claude S. Palmer Jr.
  • Philip K. Parker
  • Colin P. Powers
  • Clinton J. Ray
  • James A. Soule
  • John D. Verreault
  • James P. White
  • Peter M. Wormell Sr.

"These names are so Maine," a native of Vermont told me. Ayuh.

[Seacoast Online, image of Wright via AP]