Earning Money For Ruining Your Friend's Things, When Summer Love Turns to Autumn Scorn, And Other Questionable Advice

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

My coworker went out with some acquaintances one weekend and ended up being the designated driver because she was sober.

She had to drive an acquaintance's car home because he was too messed up to drive. She ended up getting in a wreck, which was her fault, and the insurance company has just decided to give her acquaintance $6000 for the damage to his car. In the meantime, the guy has sold his car for $500 and plans on pocketing the money. And, he's a drug dealer and doesn't have to work a real 9-5.

She works really hard and really needs the money. Since she was reluctantly doing him a favor taking over the driving responsibilities while he was unable to, it seems fair that she should ask him for half of the $6000 payout. Is that okay?

Thatz not okay.

If you crash a car that is not yours, you're not entitled to a cut of the insurance money. Even if the owner is a drug dealer!

What is the plan here, exactly? To extort a drug dealer? To explain that $3000 is her hourly rate for designated driving? To paint it as a favor?

"You're welcome for me wrecking your car."

Since your coworker needs money, perhaps she should consider starting a new business of trashing cars for insurance fraud.

Maybe one night she'll be out celebrating her new first class lifestyle, have a few too many glasses of top shelf liquor, and need to be driven home by a friend. Maybe that friend will cause a car accident while driving her home. Maybe that friend will then ask for 50 percent of the insurance money, and your coworker will hand it over, no questions asked, because she abides by The Street Rat's Moral Code (also shared by drug dealers and Aladdins): Steal from the Rich. Sell to the Young. Share the Insurance Payouts.

So the drug dealing friend does not have to work a 9 to 5 like your coworker. You know what your coworker has that he doesn't? Job security. Also: a car, because she wrecked his.

Incidentally, I'll wager this guy is not an overly successful drug dealer, living a wild, cocoa butter-scented playboy lifestyle if he's driving the kind of car that retails for $500. Maybe this sudden influx of cash will help him get out of "the game." Maybe he'll use the money to buy himself a copy of Rosetta Stone and by this time next year be infiltrating Colombian drug rings on behalf of the United States. Still won't be working a traditional 9 to 5 job, of course, which means that any insurance payment he receives will be up for grabs thanks to a curious loophole stating that only people with normal professions are entitled to money for damages.

If your coworker morally objects to the lifestyle of a drug dealer, she should stop being friends with drug dealers. One of the best ways to end a friendship is to destroy someone's personal property (nevermind asking to be reimbursed for the property you destroyed), so she's already well on her way.

It's not right for her to only object to his being a drug dealer when she thinks it will help her case to win some money. What if he had been a drug dealer in his past, but now worked some other job? What if he was an upstanding citizen all his life, but also a huge asshole? At what point is your coworker no longer entitled to money for wrecking his car?

Explain to your coworker that when you crash someone's car and there are no negative repercussions for that person, THAT is the reward.

Though next time she should feel free to ask that the newly thousandaire drug-dealer spring for his own cab.

I'm in high school, and I went to a summer camp on Catalina Island this past summer. Me and this one girl really bonded the whole trip and flirted around every time we would see each other. During the week we were there, we went on multiple hikes together, snorkeling, etc. I really liked her, and felt like she liked me back. Turns out it was just another one of those camp romances where one is leading the other on. Should I call her out for being a total bitch and leading me on? Is that okay? (Or should I just stay friend zoned and not mention anything?)

Thatz not okay.

I too am aghast at the gall of this girl, having the nerve to go to summer camp and participate in the regularly scheduled activities, knowing full well it would make her look like she was in love. She's just like the minx who signed up for all the same classes as you because she was obviously in love with you and also the guidance counselor put her in those classes.

It's important to remember that going to the same weeklong summer camp as someone is not the same as being in a committed relationship with them. Though it may feel like you took her on 37 separate dates, if you factor in all meals and activities plus the Welcome to Camp General Assembly on Day 1 and the Goodbye Jamboree on Day 7, in fact, the hike you took on Tuesday constitutes "Tuesday's morning activity," not a date.

Not so much "just another one of those summer camp romances" as just another one of those standard summer camp interactions with another human being.

Summer camp romances involve slow dancing, meet-ups after lights out, and frantic fingerbanging barely concealed by a tree trunk behind the cabins. And sometimes, even after both parties have agreed that "What Makes You Beautiful" is their song, those romances dry up and die like autumn leaves.

Now that you realize the real island is her heart, the shark-infested waters of the surrounding sea her callous indifference toward you, the best course of action is to write sad songs about the love that faded like a summer tan (something something something plan), which will make you seem sensitive and artistic, and definitely help you to land a new girl. And you know what? She doesn't have to know that you already promised "What Makes You Beautiful" to someone else. Maybe when you said "This is our song," what you really meant is "This is my song." Feel free to reuse it.

A good rule of thumb is: any time you're tempted to "call someone out" for "being a total bitch" and "leading you on," do not do that. No one sides with the guy who does that. The guy who does that is the "weird guy who went to the same camp as my friend and thought he was her boyfriend or something. Anyway, he totally flipped out on her for no reason, don't accept his friend request." The guy who does that is creepy.

You'll always have the time you shared between when you were dropped off on Saturday and picked up on Friday afternoon, and you'll always have Catalina Island.

But a friendship bracelet is not an engagement ring.

Photo via Rihardzz/Shutterstock.

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