Big, big news: Yesterday residents of southern New Jersey felt the earth beneath them shake for an estimated 15 seconds. The event created chaos in the area, causing one resident's dog to whelp twice and another's basement door to rattle violently. Both the U.S. Geological Survey and the National Weather Service say that there was no earthquake in there area, and allegations of a sonic boom have been squashed by a local military base spokesman.
- Tan Mom went to the zoo, where a herd of elephants saw her and began stomping their feet, a technique used when the animals feel threatened
- New Jersey's marginalized group of underground garbage people have begun to wage war on those who live above ground
- A wildly intense sing-off between several different local Jersey Boys groups took place, and it was mostly sung in D minor
- Snooki experienced a serious bout of flatulence
- Chris Christie has discovered exercise
- The Jersey Devil, a mythical creature after which the state's hockey team is named, was angered by the teams loss at the Stanley Cup