Pippa Middleton Opens Her Party Planning Book with a Shout-Out to Her Fabulous Ass

It feels good to see Pippa Middleton finally acknowledge the rock solid foundation on which her fame empire has truly been built: her ass, baby, we're talking about her ass.

In the introduction of her new book Celebrate, an excerpt of which was published in the Daily Mail this week, Pippa wastes no time giving all due praise to her ass, dat ass, the one true ass, for ass is the kingdom, the power, and the glory now and forever.

Here's the first sentence:

"It's a bit startling to achieve global recognition (if that's the right word) before the age of thirty, on account of your sister, your brother-in-law and your bottom."

Within the first few paragraphs she has already made two references to the fact that she is just a girl, a young girl in her twenties (not her thirties, unlike Kate who is thirty, going on thirty-one, more like fifty-one, and wouldn't know a cute ass if it bit her on the ass).

Elsewhere in the introduction, Pippa explains that the book, all about holiday party planning, is "structured around the seasonal cycle," rather than arranged synesthetically or presented in no order at all. She also leaves an apostrophe floating in the middle of Hallowe'en: a spooky, pretentious ghost.

The guide was compiled using knowledge Pippa acquired while working for an events company and as a malnourished waif party planning around the dark alleys of London for a ha'penny before her sister married the future king.

Here is a description of the most perfect day in the world, courtesy of the New York Post:

In the photos accompanying the excerpt, a beaming Middleton holds a tray of baked goods to smiling children during a sunny Autumn day.

Note: The described photo does not actually appear alongside the excerpt. Instead, it appears to be a composite photo that exists only in the New York Post's mind's eye, cobbled together from the images that are provided.

Pippa Middleton was reportedly forced to pull out of her book's promotional tours in the wake of Duchess Kate's nude photo scandals, lest she be questioned about her sister's tatas.

But feel free to ask her about her ass.

Image via Getty