A Brief Moment of Schadenfreude During Your Long Journey Towards PovertyS

The U.S. government is suing Bank of America for one billion fucking dollars, claiming BOA ran a fraudulent and destructive mortgage program during the height of the housing boom. That'll really stick it to... your pension fund, which is invested in BOA stock! Well, at least it's something to cling to. A tiny sliver of hope for justice. A glimpse of the sweet taste of revenge, to tide your over in your remaining lifetime of penury.

Do you think that you will be able to retire, one day? You don't know, do you? You don't have any idea what it takes to retire. You, like most regular people, just guess, incorrectly, about how much it will cost you to retire. Well, no need to sweat it, I guess. You'll discover your folly soon enough. Perhaps when it's time to pay the ever-increasing cost of your kids' college educations with an empty bank account? Perhaps when your student debt-wracked daughter wakes up one year after her college graduation and realizes that she's already being paid just 82% as much as her male peers, and she's barely even gotten started in the workforce yet? No matter! She's got to get out there and get her own apartment, or else she'll make the economy even worse.

Again, we're not here to alarm you. We're here to encourage you. Why, the debt collectors that will be pursuing you will soon be slightly less aggressive! And the slow, steady downward slope towards indigence isn't so bad, really. After that decade of income stagnation, you barely even notice it.

[Photo: David Berkowitz/ Flickr]