Don't Listen to Nate Silver's Gay Polls, Says Superstar Conservative Pollster

Today, my fellow Americans, you get to choose between two superstar election pollsters. In one corner, we have Dean Chambers, the creator of the tin foil hat UnSkewed Polls and the laughing stock of the political media. In the other corner we have defending champion Nate Silver, the creator of the polling blog 538, which correctly predicted the popular vote split in the 2008 presidential election and was only four votes off of correctly predicting Barack Obama's number in the electoral college. Silver's track record may lead you to put your faith in him, but wait, Chambers has a compelling argument for his side: Have you ever noticed that Nate Silver is "thin and effeminate" (i.e. GAY)?

Nate Silver is a man of very small stature, a thin and effeminate man with a soft-sounding voice that sounds almost exactly like the "Mr. New Castrati" voice used by Rush Limbaugh on his program. In fact, Silver could easily be the poster child for the New Castrati in both image and sound. Nate Silver, like most liberal and leftist celebrities and favorites, might be of average intelligence but is surely not the genius he's made out to be. His political analyses are average at best and his projections, at least this year, are extremely biased in favor of the Democrats.

Can we even call Nate Silver a man? I think not. Can men (forget women, duh) trust the polls of this gay... person, this gay person who can't see that Mitt Romney is clearly running away with the 2012 election? I think that answer is obvious. Silver may have been terrifyingly accurate in 2008, but, like Chambers says, "it's highly unlikely his current methods and projections will have the [same] level of accuracy." Plus, he's gay.

Dean Chambers is America's pollster. Unlike Silver, who "appears to look at the polls available and decide which ones to put more 'weighting' on in compiling his own average," Chambers has, uh, "re-weighted national polling data" that "just didn't look right." Finally, some polling that looks right. Finally, some clarity in this tumultuous election season.

The liberal media may tout Silver's predictions leading up to election night, but American hero Dean Chambers is providing something that this country desperately needs: some straight talk.