Even If You're Totally Unemployable, You Can Get Wasted, Pet Puppies, And Party With Yeasayer At This NYC Job Fair/ Tech Summit

Remember Jeremy Epstein, the ungainly 20-something, who — wearing the same suit he wore at his bar-mitzvah — questioned Barry O. and Willard R. about his job prospects in the Town Hall debate?

Well, both candidates offered him some campaign trail pabulum about American exceptionalism — but somebody needs to let Jeremy in on the cold, hard truth. Somebody needs to share the facts that the candidates, and the media, don't have the balls to speak out on: Specifically, you're Fucked.

No matter what anyone tells you, the economy is still in shambles and approximately 1.3 trillion people in the United States are out of work. If you were hoping for a cushy Lehman Brothers sinecure after college, that dream died in 2008. Sorry, but the Patrick Bateman-quoting, coke-fueled, baller bullshit is a thing of the past.

But there is some good news, Jeremy. As old-world Wall Street jobs are drying up, New York's startup scene is taking off. You know the types: Fridge full of orange soda, two yoga balls for every chair, group emails addressed to "My fellow ninjas", and Friday afternoon "tea time." Hell, you can't swing a foam dart gun without hitting a startup that's hiring.

So along comes Uncubed: A job fair geared towards startups (and companies that have recently graduated from that label) that's actually fun. And even if it's not much fun, at least there will be booze. It's happening this Thursday at the Altman Building from 1-7pm. There'll be 50 companies there to hire, including tumblr, Spotify, Facebook, Lot18, SimulMedia, MediaMath, Meetup and, yup, Gawker.

And because startups are startups and they try to "out cute" each other, some will probably bring chihuahuas, or maybe a snow cone machine, or something.

There will also be speaker panels and an art battle — you'll not likely concern yourself with either, because you'll probably be drunk and feeding a snow cone to a chihuahua.

And, while it would help (a lot), you don't need to be a software developer to score a job at Uncubed. No, these startups are hungry also for designers, web marketers, digital ad sales types, and community managers as well.

Of course if you are one of the lucky few who is happily employed, Uncubed has something for you: A second day called Scale. It's a startup conference — but priced for you, not Park Avenue. The lineup's rich, however, with talks and stories from the founders of Birchbox, Meetup, Behance and folks from brands like Avion Tequila and Microsoft.

It's a whole day built around discussing growth, partnerships, and how startups and brands can work together. In between panels, you can check out SideTour experiences, where you can learn the art of denim craft or other meaningless pursuits.

And, yes, there will be booze. And then, an after party with DJs from Yeasayer and LCD Soundsystem.

So check out NYC Uncubed: Scout + Scale, on November 1-2 at the Altman Building. Produced by Wakefield and One Clipboard (who's Splash software is powering the whole thing). Buy tickets here. Maybe Jeremy will show up.

And if you do miss the event, sign up for Wakefield's short daily email, which features tons of info on young companies, their jobs and new products — plus it's entertaining enough not to piss off even the most ardent inbox zeros among you.