Here Are The Seven Most Absurd New York Times Hurricane Headlines So Far

In order to keep readers updated on Frankenstorm safety bulletins, the New York Times has temporarily lifted its paywall for online articles. It has also temporarily lifted its policy of not posting absurd shit.

Here are the seven News-Out-of-Nothing-est headlines (most of them from the Hurricane Sandy Live Blog) to come out of Frankenstorm so far:

7. Traffic Report: Not Much
"As of 6:20 a.m., there were no reported delays at bridges and tunnels and no reports of extensive road congestion anywhere."

6. On the Upper East Side, Waiting for a Cab
"'It's obviously not that bad right now,' he said of the weather before the expected rain had started. 'I just wish the subway was open.'"

5. A Closed Central Park Leaves Dogs at a Loss
"They were crestfallen, whimpering in disbelief."

4. A Long, Strange Trip, Involving Philadelphia
"'I have no choice,' he said cheerily as he waited to board the train."

3. In Red Hook, Short on Time, and Kale
"Jordana Rothman, the food and drink editor for Time Out New York, sent out a dire message via Twitter from the scene:"

2. Carrots Enjoy a Spike in Popularity
"Carrots, those little spark plugs in a salad or a stew, have suddenly become an engine driving restaurant menus."

1.Confused Tourists in Times Square
"'Strange, isn't it?' said Julian Cooke, a farmer from about 20 miles west of Oxford, looking around at the other dazed and glum-looking tourists, who looked like characters in an apocalypse movie, milling about aimlessly and gazing anxiously toward the sky."

To pass the time once your power goes out, compose poems based on these headlines with your friends. Share them here after your power blinks back on.

[Image via Getty]