What to Eat Now

I'm eating oatmeal. Are you? If your power is not on, I doubt it buddy, unless you have built a fire, which sounds nice. What can you eat during these primitive powerless days until life returns to normal?

  • JERKY: People in survival situations always like to eat jerky. Beef jerky, turkey jerky… other jerky. It makes them feel rugged I guess. Sometimes a guy will say, "This jerky right here? I made this." You don't want to know him.
  • FRUIT: Fresh fruit? No, there is none. Rotten fruit. Still has vitamins. Fruit is "nature's candy." I hope you told that to all of the trick-or-treaters last night, out of spite. You just generally don't like people.
  • GRANOLA: "If I can eat granola, why can't I eat oatmeal?" you quite naturally ask. "Isn't granola little more than oatmeal pressed together with honey or something and then somehow made hard with science?" You continue, "With all this granola here, couldn't I just soak it in boiling water and stir it up into a mighty passable oatmeal, and be eating oatmeal?" Sure, Joe. One little question about your plan there, though: What hot water? Now you see the big picture.
  • M.R.E.'s: These are the packaged Army meals the Army is always handing out after disasters. What's in there, I wonder? Is there something "wrong" with me "obtaining" a few M.R.E.'s from the shelter and eating them for "journalism" purposes? If the answer is "yes," then you're buying me dinner I guess. This is how I live. This is what I do. Understand that.
  • CANNED FOOD: I'd love to meet the crazy caveman guy who was just eating some beans one day and then said "Hey, you know what we should do? Seal these beans up tight in some can using some kind of crazy contraption they haven't even invented yet." Does he even know what he contributed to future humanity? Or did he just die in the typical mammoth trampling, never having met the other guy who invented the can opener? This can's to you, friend.
  • OATMEAL: That's mine.

-Hamilton

[Photo: Memphis CVB/ Flickr]