As the Elmo Sex Scandal — one of the top two current Sex Scandals in the United States — draws to an anticlimactic close, parents across the country have been left wondering: how can I explain to my children that Kevin Clash, the puppeteer who provides Elmo with life has been accused of having sex with a 16-year-old, and furthermore that the man in question (now 23) recanted his story within days of the initial accusation?
Luckily for parents, Gawker, home of family-friendly content like "Who Needs a Log Flume When You Can Get a Blow Job In a Theme Park Bathroom Instead?: My Family Vacation" and "Brett Hartmann, One of Our Death Row Correspondents, Has Been Executed," has created a 100-percent child-appropriate re-telling of of the Elmo Sex Scandal, geared entirely toward children and starring their two favorite muppets, Elmo and Justin Bieber. Please read it aloud to your children and show them the accompanying photos.
The Tale of Elmo and His Adult Male Friend
This is a story about Elmo, Elmo's Adult Male Friend, and what happens when you tell a fib.
Once upon a time, Elmo was sitting at his work computer, visiting only sites that had been approved by his parental guardians, like sesamestreet.org and nickjr.com. Elmo decided he wanted to send an email. After thinking for a moment, Elmo decided to send an email to his Adult Male Friend. Elmo wrote an email telling his Adult Male Friend he missed him a lot. (Later, Elmo's boss told him he shouldn't email friends from his work computer.)