A couple weeks ago, haters were completely thrown for a loop when it was revealed that, while other cities focused on nerd tasks like growing their economies and improving their energy infrastructures, Philly was devoting all of its time and financial resources to creating The World's Largest T-Shirt Cannoooooooooooooon.
And we did it. 100 t-shirts per minute, 1000 minutes a day, 10,000 days a year.
Haters were livid. Philly was like, "U mad?"
Now, it seems that haters have hit back. Worst of all: they might be hating sleeper agents, in North Philadelphia, born and raised.
According to Newsworks' story, Are spiteful 'haters' to blame for an unsolved parrot-napping in Nicetown?, haters are suspected in the kidnapping of one of one of Philadelphia's most popular pets: a blue and gold macaw named Josie who lived with her people-parents in North Philly and why am I telling you this like we don't all know Josie?
Cheron and Larry Ross, Josie's owners, received her as a gift three years ago, from Cheron's sister who also owns several birds. The parrot is 26 years old and has a degenerative muscle disorder that prevents her from flying.
After moving in with the Rosses, Josie quickly became the most popular bird, or definitely one of the most popular birds, in the neighborhood. Literally the opposite of a hater, she would often squawk out friendly "hellos" to passers-by from her perch on the porch.
It was from that porch perch that Josie appears to have been taken a few weeks ago, when Cheron and Larry left her outside for a few hours while running errands. When they returned home, Josie was gone, and no neighbors reported having heard or seen her.
The couple say they did not speak for days after she disappeared.
So now, the question of who took the bird? Here's Cheron's take:
"There are a million people outside, especially on a Friday," said Ross. "Everybody knows my bird. I think somebody just took her out of jealousy, just to be mean and hateful."
"Just haters," added Jimmy Weems, Ross's brother-in-law.
If you, or a hater you know, has information about Josie's whereabouts (she's worth about $2,500 but no responsible birder will buy her off the street without documentation, so nice try, haters), submit a tip via the Philadelphia Police Department's website. Her family misses her very much.
Keep your head up, Philly.
FUCK THE HATERS.