So, you want to move to Russia? (Oh, you don't? Just go with this, anyway.) Well, you better be prepared to fend off an attacking wolf while you herd sheep and cattle and eventually murder it with an axe. That is exactly what 56-year-old Aishat Maksudova, who lives in a village in the Southern part of the country, was forced to do earlier this week.
"When I raised my arm up like this, the wolf was just holding my hand. Trying to claw my hand. I wanted to open his mouth and put my fist all the way there, all the way to his throat. But I could not open him.
"So I just left my hand, and the wolf was just clawing into it, pulling on it, pulling away like this. And then I took the axe and hit him on his head," she said.
Yes, the most awesome part of that story is that Maksudova's initial plan was to shove her entire arm down the wolf's throat. In light of that, getting clubbed by an axe sounds mildly pleasant.
Maksudova is now the most badass person in Russia (it's all very official, I promise). Past winners include the kids who made a makeshift bungee, the guy who faked his own death before proposing to his wife, the guy who rode his shopping cart on the highway, Vladimir Putin, Pussy Riot and anyone who has ever operated a motor vehicle of any sort in Russia.