Stop Trying to Make 'Get Cracker Jack'D' Happen. It's Never Going to Happen.

No longer satisfied with playing second fiddle to peanuts at all your sportsball games, Cracker Jacks is getting x-treme. They have created a new line, Cracker Jack'D, which contains caffeine and is meant to, yes, jack you up.

This new version, however, has one health-advocacy group up in arms, and they have since issued a((n alarmist) statement in response:

"Boxes of Cracker Jack are famous for having a toy surprise inside. But what parent suspects that Cracker Jack might come with a surprising dose of a mildly addictive stimulant drug?"

A Frito-Lay spokesman defended the product, claiming that the American candy famous for having a hidden toy secreted among its kernels, is intended for a more mature audience :

"Cracker Jack'd is a product line specifically developed for adult consumers and will not be marketed to children. All marketing for the products will be exclusively aimed at adult consumers, and the package design and appearance are wholly different from Cracker Jack to ensure there is no confusion among consumers."

Power Bites are for ADULTS ONLY, you must be this tall to ride.

Only two of the Power Bites flavors will contain caffeine, which Frito-Lay urges is from coffee, and is not added artificially. Other Cracker Jack'D flavors include spicy pizzeria intense mix (for when you're doing BMX or high-impact knitting), salted caramel kickin' back clusters (when you're just kickin' back) and cheddar bbq hearty mix (when you are a gross person).

Cracker Jack'Ds are not out yet, but nationwidecandy.com seems to think they'll start shipping December 22. Just in time for Chistmas, but too late for Hanukkah.

[Via Advertising Age // Image via nationwidecandy.com]