Fourteen-year-old Jaxon Gessel was minding his own business, delivering papers on his early morning paper route, when out of the pre-dawn darkness an animal approached. Gessel thought it was a dog.
"Then it made a weird noise, kind of like a grunting noise," he said. The shadowy figure started coming at him. "I'm like, ‘What the heck is that?'"
The goat, who belongs to a nearby family and is named, for some reason, Voldemort, headbutted Gessel, knocking him from his bike. He then tried to escape but the goat reared back on its hind legs and "tackled him."
"It just freaked me out when it stood up on its hind legs and just wrapped its front legs around me and pulled me off," he said.
Gessel was forced to climb a nearby tree, where he stayed for over an hour while Voldemort continued to wreak havoc, chasing after anyone who walked past. Eventually, the goat ran after two young girls, at which point, Gessel says, he jumped from the tree and chased the goat for two blocks.
At this point it'd been over 90 minutes since Gessel was due home, so his parents called the police. Officer Brandon Muir was looking for him when he "got a call about a boy and a goat." He arrived on the scene and found Voldemort friendly and welcoming.
"It jumped on me a few times," he said. "But he wasn't that hard to catch."
Now, everyone at school is giving Gessel shit.
"Everybody, they're all, 'Hey, goat boy!' I'm like, 'Hey, guys.'"
..."People are just like, 'Why are you scared of goats? I'm like that was a freaky goat. I think it's like possessed or something."
As for Voldemort, he's back at home. "I feel horrible that the whole thing happened," said his owner. Still doesn't change the fact that Gessel got his ass kicked by an 18-month old goat.