What Might You Buy for Someone You Hate?: A Gift Guide

Bullshit obligations: Can't live with ‘em...but actually you have to because that is the nature of obligations. If you have somehow found yourself in a situation where you are exchanging presents with a relative, in-law, co-worker, frenemy, dog walker or barista that you simply can't stand, you should give yourself the gift of a backbone and stop.

But I know that life isn't that easy, that some situations require you to shell out your money on useless shit that the people you hate are going to hate for the sake of keeping the peace. I suggest that you use this occasion to make a statement, even if it will only be understood by yourself. Give the gift of suggestion with potentially insulting presents that aim to remedy the apparent imperfections of this motherfucker you're obligated to. Attempt aggression with something dangerous – sharp projectiles abound in our culture. Or, go for something that's operates on more of a slow release, something that reveals itself as a pain in the ass over time. I think a monkey is the perfect present for this scenario. Before your hated knows it, his or her face will be ripped off by that thing that they have come to adore.

Or maybe you should just let go of your rage and stop hating things. Jesus Christ, it's the holidays.

I am rarely in a situation where I am doing anything for someone that I hate, but I suspect many people are and for that reason, I cannot wait to hear how you have solved or would solve this problem.