For the fortunate ones who don't know, Thought Catalog is a site where millennials go to write about sex, Xanax, other drugs, and what it's like to live in Brooklyn. Some might even call it a "me-centric angst dump." Thought Catlog is now here to save the publishing industry with their very own line of e-books.
The summaries of these electronic short tales of woe are some of the most Thought Catalog-y things ever described. They almost sound too perfect.
Below, take our test: Thought Catalog e-book or just a made up millennial story? Winners get an unpaid internship.
1) How To Be A 20-Something
We go to happy hour every day after work - does this mean we're alcoholics, or just frugal? We spend way too much time online - are we wasting our lives away, or being social the only way we know how? We also have one night stands, commitment issues, and kind of hate dating. Are we destined to be involved with the wrong people until the end of time, or just until the end of our 20s? Does anyone have a Xanax? "How To Be A 20-Something" is a collection of nineteen hilarious, sad, and often cathartic personal essays and stories written by and for 20-somethings.
2) Take Out Your Earrings Before You Fight (And Other Things I Learned In Public School)
Public school is a daunting, tedious, occasionally bloody experience shared by millions of students, current and former. Classroom fights, incompetent teachers, sex in bathrooms, rigid social castes - it's shocking most of us graduated able to read. "Take Out Your Earrings Before You Fight" takes a dry, witty look at all the things you learn - and everything you don't - while slogging through the K–12 system.
3)One Last Xanax
There's nothing worse than running out of Xanax, especially when another person is depending on you to supply. This is a novella about what happens when a couple teetering on the verge of total misery is only left with one X-bar to calm their nerves. The couple in question is Samantha: an Upper East Sider who never really understood love or salvia bong rips until she met Cole: a Texas boy who still refuses to log into Gchat. It's about love in Astoria, by way of The Strand of course.
4) The First 50 Times I Had Sex (And Three Blowjobs)
Growing up in the suburbs of Long Island is hard. It's even harder when you're a lanky teenager with arms that hit the floor. But when you go to your strange liberal arts college up north, all bets are off. This semi-autobiographical work showcases the first 53 sexual experiences that one Jewish guy from Jericho has to share.
5) Going Down South
A novelette about a nihilistic young man from New York City, "Going Down South" depicts an isolated and apathetic way of navigating life and romance in a way that will resonate with most Millennials. When Jared Steinfarb decides that his life in Brooklyn has grown too dissolute, he moves in with an old friend from college who is studying to be a minister in Nashville, Tennessee. There, he meets Sylvia, an earnest Christian girl from the Midwest - she becomes an opportunity for his depravity to reach new depths, as Jared finds that his lecherous nature has followed him down south.
6) Back Home
What's it like to go back home? After three years of making it on his own in Brooklyn, Roger heads home to Indiana and finds it to be a very different place from what he remembered. Once you step off that Mega Bus, it's a whole different world out there. For the first time, Roger realizes what missing someone is like – his boyfriend Ryan, being that lost one. Back Home is a truly honest work.
7) Salsa-Dancer Winky-Face Ghost
There's no better way to capture the millennial spirit than a novella written in all emojis. A girl in a pink shirt gets her haircut, points a lot, and crosses her arms, while a boy in a blue shirt falls slowly in love with her. Just around the corner is their neighbor, a curious dark skinned man who wears a turban. No one knows why. There are planes, trains, and several other automobiles. Lots of travel and food actually, particularly sushi and different ice creams on sticks. This is a love story of a different chord and whole different keyboard.
8) Cover Story
In these 14 stories, set in England, the Middle East, and across the United States, characters fall in and out of love and lust. A comedian wrestles with his newfound fame as he attempts to commit to one woman for more than a few weeks. An American family takes in a wayward Brit to fill its emptying nest. A young woman dwells on an affair with a reticent older man. Two friends fresh out of college take an extended island vacation in the hopes of putting off the future. And a man is inspired to rekindle his marriage, but only after cheating on his wife.
1, 2, 5, 8 are the real e-books.
3, 4, 6, 7 are just millennial malarkey.
[Image via Matusciac Alexandru @ Shutterstock]