You Can Vote On The Presidential Turkey Pardon But Neither of Them Is Going to Die So Why Bother

The White House is putting its annual turkey pardon to a Facebook poll, allowing anyone to vote on which turkey—Cobbler or Gobbler—will be blessed by Obama this Thanksgiving. But what could have been a profound glimpse into the very heart of Death is just a meaningless gimmick, because neither turkey is actually at risk of being killed.

According to CBS News:

Whether Cobbler or Gobbler "wins" today, both birds will be sent to George Washington's Mount Vernon Estate and Gardens to live out the rest of their days in a custom-made enclosure.

What a joke. Where are the stakes in this poll, then? The only possible reason anyone would want to vote in this poll is the playing-God aspect of it—the dark knowledge that a vote for the salvation of Gobbler means a vote for Cobbler's bloody annihilation, or vice versa. Which one do you save.

A real turkey pardon would have been an opportunity to crowdsource the Ultimate Choice: One turkey lives, one dies. The online Hive Mind as jury, judge and executioner. The White House could livestream the slaughter and butchering of the unfortunate turkey that lost. This experiment could have been an educational experience for our nation's school-children, teaching them about where our food comes from, death's senseless and arbitrary nature, and how democracy is intertwined inextricably with violence.

Oh well, Maybe next year.

[Image via Getty]